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Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but
there’s no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each
day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the
following practice exercises, you will be totally
prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!
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Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast
between the door and the main box. Have one of your
strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the
door for good measure. Hold that position for five
seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again,
in case the first time wasn’t effective enough.
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Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature
of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off
your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor
with one breast wedged under the rear tire
of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the
car up until your breast is sufficiently
flattened and chilled. Turn over and
repeat for the other breast.
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Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the
waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the
bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the
bookends together as hard as you can. Set an
appointment with the stranger to meet
next week and do it again!!
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CONGRATULATIONS!
Now you have nothing at all to worry about
when you go for your Mammogram!
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